


when the cats are away

by cause2effect



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack Fic, Group chat, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Team Bonding, a regular updating schedule???, give him a break, group chat au, hunk is pure, im sorry, lance loves his team, shiro cant live like this, text fic, there a few personaly petty moments in here, whos she?????
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2018-12-17 21:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11859807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cause2effect/pseuds/cause2effect
Summary: Space Dad:@gaybygayby: shiro listenspace cinnamon roll: Keith!? I thought you were lactose intolerant!?gayby: i ,,,, am,,,,,,,





	1. Chapter 1

**6:38 pm**

Chat: when will my fucks return from the war

_[space cinnamon roll renamed the chat to: Who did it]_

space cinnamon roll: Who did it?

bI BOI: ???

Space Mom: Hunk? What’s happened?

Pidgeon: dude ur gonna have to b more specific

space cinnamon roll: The perpetrator knows what I’m talking about

bI BOI: well we dont so could you explain buddy?

space cinnamon roll: /Someone/ took all quite a large amount of the ice cream I had been planning to surprise you guys with

Space Dad: I think I know who it was

Space Dad: _@gayby_

gayby: shiro listen 

space cinnamon roll: Keith!? I thought you were lactose intolerant!?

gayby: i ,,,, am,,,,,,,

space cinnamon roll: Shiro?

Space Dad: Keith….

bI BOI: KEITH??!! YOU TOOK THE ICE CREAM 

bI BOI: thats just 

bI BOI: COLD man

Pidgeon: lance no

bI BOI: lance yes

space cinnamon roll: Seriously where did the ice cream go?

gayby: i took it

gayby: and ate it

space cinnamon roll: But you’re lactose intolerant?

Space Dad: he has a habit of trying to “kill himself” by consuming lactose

Space Mom: Lactose intolerant?

Pidgeon: he gets really sick when he consumes lactose, which is present in most dairy products, such as milk which is what ice cream is made from.

Space Mom: Then why would he eat the ice cream?

bI BOI: bc hes an edgelord

Space Mom: edgelord?

bI BOI: keith.

gayby: shiro im dying 

Space Dad: and who’s fault is that?

gayby: shiiiirrroooo

Space Dad: i feel no remorse

space cinnamon roll: Me either, dude. Now i gotta make another batch and it ruined the surprise.

bIO BOI: what what he being edgy about this time

Pidgeon: i bet i know ;;;))))))))

bI BOI: ??? tell me ???

Pidgeon: ;;;;))))))))))))

bI BOI: or ya know dont that works 2 i guess

space cinnamon roll: I’m as lost as you lance dont worry.

space cinnamon roll: Since the ice cream surprise is ruined, want to come help me in the kitchen?

bI BOI: oh buddy you know id never pass up spending time with you

space cinnamon roll: :)

Gayby: shiro im going to need more ice cream

Space Dad: you’ll survive

 

**7:42**

Space Mom: I’m still rather confused. What’s an edgelord?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gayby: it wouldnt be the weirdest thing to happen
> 
> bI BOI: i mean,,, it would be pretty weird
> 
> gayby: someone married a rollercoaster once so like
> 
> bI BOI: why do you know this????
> 
> gayby: why not?

**6:08 pm**

Chat: Who did it?

_[bI BOI changed the chat name to tHE WORLD IS ENDING]_

bI BOI: so apparently there was an eclipse on earth recently

gayby: does this mean what i think it mean

Pidgeon: l i z a r d p e o p l e

bI BOI: what no

space cinnamon roll: What does the eclipse have to do with lizard people?

gayby: the fire nation my people are they ok

gayby: i mean

gayby: yes the lizard people

bI BOI: keith is a firebender why am i not surprised

space cinnamon roll: I’m an earth bender

bI BOI: im a water bender

Pidgeon: im earth

Pidgeon: at least according to keith

gayby: well for one you have the forest guardian lion and second your color is green what did you expect

bI BOI: im living for atla nerd keith rn ngl

gayby: shiro is an airbender

Space Dad: keith for the last time i have no idea what that means

gayby: as soon as i can get my hands on pidges laptop i am educating you

gayby: i dont even know if i can call you my brother until then.

bI BOI: im still alive and living

space cinnamon roll: I guess we will have to postpone the funeral.

bI BOI: just for a bit until im dead again

Pidgeon: umm why was i not involved in the planning

space cinnamon roll: Because i’m the only one doing the planning. You can’t plan your own funeral.

Pidgeon: that sounds like a challenge

space cinnamon roll: It’s really not.

bI BOI: guys do you think when loturd was a teenager he said stupid stuff like vrepit suuuuuh dude

space cinnamon roll: 100%

Pidgeon: i would too honestly

gayby: it wouldnt be the weirdest thing to happen

bI BOI: i mean,,, it would be pretty weird

gayby: someone married a rollercoaster once so like

bI BOI: why do you know this????

gayby: why not?

bI BOI: ummm ok????

Space Dad: why are you all not training?

Space Dad: and don’t give me the taking a break excuse. you’ve all been in the chat for the past 40 minutes.

Pidgeon: my software is updating and its taking forever

space cinnamon roll: I'm helping coran in the kitchen.

space cinnamon roll: So im getting ready to start kicking him out.

gayby: me and lance are bonding

Pidgeon: OwO

bI BOI: nOT LIKE THAT PIDGE

bI BOI: WE ARE RACING DOWN THE HALLS

Space Mom: Why did Keith just slide past the control room?

Pidgeon: klance bonding

Space Mom: Oh.

Space Mom: Then continue.

bI BOI: pidge you need to work on your ship names

bI BOI: i mean stop making them up

gayby: smooth

bI BIO: why are you coming for me like this i cant believe

Space Dad: please don’t run into any walls this time, boys. 

bI BOI: yea ok DAD

Space Dad: if you can’t beat them, join them.

Pidgeon: nice to know youve accepted your role

space cinnamon roll: Ummm can I get some help in the kitchen please?

space cinnamon roll: Coran did something and the food goo is everywhere and moving.

gayby: me and lance are near the kitchen we are on our way

Pidgeon: awww no fair you get to witness klance: the live action

Space Dad: pidge, stop teasing the boys

Space Dad: they’ll talk about it when they’re ready.

Pidgeon: u g h

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THIS FIC: 
> 
> gayby: why are you guys awake
> 
> bI BOI: keith! buddy! 
> 
> gayby: lance?
> 
> bI BOI: my own personal furry
> 
>    
>  _[gayby’s name has been changed to Furry]_
> 
>  
> 
> Furry: the hell is a furry?
> 
> hello i'm back!
> 
> i would just like to say that my V.Daddy's reference is the one in the chapter summary i kinda just picked something weird he said and rolled with it so yea. 
> 
> thank you for reading and sooo much credit to my space family on discord for motivating me to write this ily all <33
> 
> ok i'm done being sappy please leave comment and kudos i love them pls


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> space cinnamon roll: What do you want.
> 
> Furry: seriously is there no way to mute this chat?
> 
> bI BOI: why would i want something
> 
> bI BOI: its just 230 in the morning and im crying over how mych i love my teammates and want someoen to cry with me
> 
> space cinnamon roll: I’m coming.

**2:16 am**

Chat: tHE WORLD IS ENDING

bI BOI: hunk

bI BOI: buddy

bI BOI: my main mans

_[Pidgeon renamed the chat to lance go to sleep i s2g]_

bI BOI: no i need hunk

Pidgeon: then bother him in pms

gayby: why are you guys awake

bI BOI: keith! buddy! 

gayby: lance?

bI BOI: my own personal furry

_[gayby’s name has been changed to Furry]_

Furry: the hell is a furry?

bI BOI: oh boy

Pidgeon: well you see

Space Dad: go to sleep all of you

bI BOI: nooooooo

Space Dad: wow you must really want that extra team bonding exercise i’ve been talking to coran and allura about.

bI BOI: wow would you look at that zzzzzzzzz im totally asleep zzzzzzzZZZZZZZ

space cinnamon roll: Lance?

bI BOI: hunk! my mans!

bI BOI: have i ever told you how much i love you

space cinnamon roll: I may have heard something along those lines once or twice.

bI BOI: well i lied

bI BOI: i love you more than that

space cinnamon roll: Awww Lance.

space cinnamon roll: What do you want.

Furry: seriously is there no way to mute this chat?

bI BOI: why would i want something

bI BOI: its just 230 in the morning and im crying over how mych i love my teammates and want someoen to cry with me

space cinnamon roll: I’m coming.

bI BOI: tha k you

Space Dad: hunk, please make sure he gets some sleep tonight.

space cinnamon roll: Will do.

Space Dad: pidge, keith, you two need to sleep as well

Pidge: sleep is for the weak

Furry: sleep for a week

Space Dad: looks like thats covered. Goodnight team.

8:28 am

bI BOI: well that was wild

space cinnamon roll: No more crying over how amazing everyone is.

Pidgeon: i feel like the crying was more specific

bI BOI: you know what pidge

bI BOI: shut ur quiznak

Furry: i still dont think youre using that word right.

bI BOI: fight ne keith

Furry: ne

Pidgeon: ne

space cinnamon roll: ne

Space Dad: ne

Space: Mom: ne

Cool Uncle: ne

bI BOI: wow corans first appearance in the chat and its to mock me ok i see how it is.

Pidgeon: its out of love

bI BOI: but is it

bI BOI: is it really

Furry: yes

bI BOI: dhka;;jgfdldsjlkgjlkajkl

bI BOI: fhdlkjdslhlaorieions

space cinnamon roll: Keith you killed him.

Pidgeon: amazing im screenshotting this

Furry: what did i do??

bI BOI: dnlahkeajklejds

Furry: i like all my teammates?

bI BOI: ,,,

Space cinnamon roll: Lance come help me in the kitchen.

bI BOI: coming

Furry: ??

Pidgeon: idiot

Furry: ???

Space Dad: pidge, keith, if you aren’t doing anything go train

Furry: already in the training room i was just taking a break.

Pidgeon: im working on green

Space Dad: then carry on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhhhhh finally an update hope you didnt expect regular updates bc i am not very good at anything *dabs*
> 
> the original reason i wrote this fic has finnally come to light with V.Daddy's typo being brought out ;)
> 
> next up: 
> 
> bI BOI: because you need a strong male figure in your life
> 
> Furry: _@Space Dad_ ?
> 
> bI BOI: wow fucking rude
> 
> Space Dad: lance, you all literally call me dad what did you expect?
> 
> bI BOI: ugh


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bI BOI: because you need a strong male figure in your life
> 
> Furry: _@Space Dad_ ?
> 
> bI BOI: wow fucking rude
> 
> Space Dad: lance, you all literally call me dad what did you expect?
> 
> bI BOI: ugh

**2:53 pm**

Chat: lance go to sleep i s2g

bI BOI: keith

Furry: lance

bI BOI: im going to adopt you

Furry: why?

bI BOI: because you need a strong male figure in your life

Furry: _@Space Dad_ ?

bI BOI: wow fucking rude

Space Dad: lance, you all literally call me dad what did you expect?

bI BOI: ugh

bI BOI: bye boob

Furry: ??

bI BOI: a reference to an angel

Pidgeon: are you making jokes about allura again

bI BOI: no actually 

bI BOI: i would never

bI BOI: she is the only truly holy being on this ship

Furry: _@space cinnamon roll_ ?

space cinnamon roll: What?

bI BOI: it appears you have fallen into this trap keith!!

bI BOI: hunk is not as pure as one may think !!

space cinnamon roll: I’d say i'm pretty pure. 

bI BOI: you do not know what he has done !

bI BOI: tRICKS !

Pidgeon: ummm yea hunk can play some hella pranks

Furry: hes never pranked me ?

bI BOI: it's just a matter of time

_[space cinnamon roll’s name has been changed to prank master]_

prank master: Why?

Pidgeon: hey hunk ;)

prank master: Hey Pidge ;)

Pidgeon: pms? ;)

prank master: After you ;)

bI BOI: keith

bI BOI: we have to run

bI BOI: hide

bI BOI: do something

Furry: im just confused what happened

bI BOI: something dangerous

bI BOI: we are no longer safe

Furry: …

Furry: im coming to you where are you

bI BOI: med room i was getting something

bI BOI: ill meet you outside

**Chat between PidgeG and HunkyMonkey**

HunkeyMonkey: So what did you have in mind, my beautiful gremlin?

PidgeG: ignoring the gremlin comment

PidgeG: why dont we go for the boys ;)

HunkyMonkey: I like it. ;)

HunkyMonkey: But how? 

PidgeG: i have whats new pussycat on my laptop ;)

HunkyMonkey: Oh my God. Why?

PidgeG: you learn not to question these things hunk

PidgeG: i just need you to rig up some speakers in their bathrooms and the kitchen

PidgeG: then ill program the song to play when they flush the toilet or get some food goo

PidgeG: itll be brilliant

HunkyMonkey: On it. 

HunkyMonkey: I can't wait to see their faces.

PidgeG: this is going to be great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this is the last of my chapters that have a reference in them for now but idk
> 
> Next chapter:
> 
> bI BOI: wHAT THE HAPP IS FUCKENING
> 
> Pidgeon: OwO is something wrong lance
> 
> bI BOI: you! You did this!
> 
> Pidgeon: i would never
> 
> prank master: Lance? What’s going on?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bI BOI: wHAT THE HAPP IS FUCKENING
> 
> Pidgeon: OwO is something wrong lance
> 
> bI BOI: you! You did this!
> 
> Pidgeon: i would never
> 
> prank master: Lance? What’s going on?
> 
> ~~~
> 
> HAP HALLOWEEN

**11:17 am**

Chat: lance go to sleep i s2g

bI BOI: wHAT THE HAPP IS FUCKENING

Pidgeon: OwO is something wrong lance

bI BOI: you! You did this!

Pidgeon: i would never

prank master: Lance? What’s going on?

bI BOI: oh dont act so innocent 

Furry: why does a song play whenever i get food?

Furry: it wont stop????

Furry: where is it coming from !!????

bI BOI: hunk and pidge

prank master: I haven’t done anything?

bI BOI: tell that to your chat name!

_prank masters name has been changed to Innocent_

bI BOI: you cant hide from the truth hunk

Furry: its still playing???

Furry: i dont even know this song???

Space Dad: Pidge, please disable the whats new pussycat im trying to focus on bonding with black

Pidgeon: :(

Space Dad: Pidge

Pidgeon: fiiiine

Furry: what just happened?

**4:41 pm**

bI BOI: ok hear me out you guys

Furry: no

bI BOI: bithc

Pidgeon: bithc

Innocent: bithc

Space Mom: bithc

bI BOI: wow i can believe you all are coming for me like this. 

bI BOI: fr tho i just had the greatest idea

Pidgeon: cant be any worse than keiths ‘let me try level 9 in training i can just skip 8’ fiasco from last month.

bI BOI: its much better trust me

bI BOI: drop me off at the nearest planet

bI BOI: at leave me there

Furry: and then??

bI BOI: and then nothing thats it

Innocent: Why would we do that?

bI BOI: i wanna see how long id last in a situation like that

Furry: you wouldnt last very long

Pidgeon: this is a great idea im searching for the nearest plantet

Furry: or dont???

Innocent: I’m with Keith. How about we don’t drop my best friend off on a random planet.

bI BOI: you guys are no fun

Pidgeon: for real

Space Dad: we are not dropping off our paladins at random planets.

bI BOI: ://///

bI BOI: wait 

bI BOI: pidge you said somethign about last month

bI BOI: do you know the date on earth ????

Pidgeon: somethign

Pidgeon: and yea its about a week and a half into october why

_[The chat has been renamed: SPOOKY SCARY]_

_[bI BOI’s name has been changed to bOO BITCH]_

Innocent: Oh, no.

_[Pidgeon’s name has been changed to gremlin]_

_[Innocent’s name has been changed to soft ghost]_

_[Space Dad’s name has been changed to hot wolf daddy]_

_[Furry’s name has been changed to mothman]_

_[Space Mom’s name has been changed to hot witch mommy]_

bOO BITCH: TIME TO GET SPOOKY 

soft ghost: Oh, no.

gremiln: honestly im not even surprised at this point

mothman: ,,,,,

mothman: thank you for this opportunity

hot wolf daddy: lance….

hot witch mommy: Why has Lance changed all of our names?

soft ghost: Lance loves Halloween. 

soft ghost: Mostly he just likes it for the free candy.

mothman: isnt he too old to trick or treat tho

bOO BITCH: ummmm no

bOO BITCH: never too old to trick or treat

bOO BITCH: also id get adults to give me candy by pointing out that i could be out drinking or doing drugs like other kids my age

soft ghost: Ah yes, I remember that.

bOO BITCH: ms h was so offended when i pointed that out and yet she still gave me candy

mothman: i never liked trick or treating, too many other kids. 

mothman: me and shiro used to go hunting for ghosts instead

bOO BITCH: thats adorable wtf

hot wolf daddy: keith

mothman: wow do you hear that sounds like red calling me gotta blast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear to Voltron that i am capable of updating regularly, but just in case, yall should probably lower your standards.  
> also,,,  
> me: ok ill get a few chapters written before i update that way in case i dont write for a while for some reason ill still be able to update  
> me to me: youve just finished this chapter and have nothing else written so you should post this  
> me: o shit u right
> 
> sigh
> 
> Next Chapter:
> 
>  
> 
> _i dont have this written yet in sorry ill do that now_

**Author's Note:**

> henlo!  
> helllo wonderful reader!  
> go vore some voltron beautiful
> 
> ok now that thats out of the way
> 
> thank you for reading! this is my first contribution to the voltron fandom and im super hyped up. the blessed @dorkygabriel has inspired me to actually give this fic a go and i hope yall enjoy it! please leave comments and kudos bc im needy


End file.
